Why Your Boss Feels Like a Bad Parent (And What to Do About It)

Ever notice how some bosses make you feel small, frustrated, or anxious?

You’re not imagining it.

The way leaders show up at work often mirrors patterns we experienced growing up. The bosses who trigger us most are hitting the same relational wounds that shaped us as kids. Recognizing this can give you clarity and real tools for handling it.

Understanding the types of leadership that trigger these old patterns can help you make sense of your reactions and respond in a healthier way.

Here are three common dynamics I see repeatedly in both work and family settings:

1. Controlling vs. Empowering

Some bosses micromanage, demean, or insist on compliance, leaving you feeling powerless. It’s the same feeling a child gets when a parent punishes or shames instead of guiding.

Healthy leaders empower people. They encourage growth, validate effort, and help you feel capable. When a boss is controlling, it’s not just annoying, it taps into old fears of inadequacy.

2. Selfish vs. Connected

Leaders who prioritize their own ego or status over the team create tension and resentment. It’s the same dynamic as a parent who puts their own needs first.

Healthy leaders care about the people they’re responsible for. They make decisions with empathy and look out for the well-being of the group. Feeling seen and valued makes a world of difference.

3. Authoritarian vs. Modeling

Some bosses demand respect through position alone, telling you what to do without showing how it’s done. This mirrors the parent who says one thing but doesn’t live it.

The best leaders lead by example. They model integrity, accountability, and emotional regulation. Watching someone embody their values teaches far more than any lecture ever could.

Why This Matters

When a boss triggers old wounds, it can feel personal, but it’s usually not. Understanding what’s happening gives you options:

• Protect your emotional well-being

• Respond strategically instead of reactively

• Model the leadership or parenting you wish you’d had

Next Steps

If you find yourself frustrated or on edge at work or noticing patterns in your own parenting, there are practical tools to navigate these dynamics. Strategies for managing anger, communicating under pressure, and breaking old patterns help you respond with awareness instead of emotion.

Leadership, like parenting, is something we can learn, practice, and get better at, even when others fail to show the way.