Depression 101: Understanding and Working With It

Depression Isn’t a Weakness

Depression isn’t a moral failing, laziness, or a flaw in character. It’s a mood, a bigger pattern of nervous system shutdown signaling that something in life feels stuck, unsafe, or disconnected. That heavy chest, low energy, and sluggish motivation aren’t random—they’re your body saying, “Pay attention. Something needs to change.”

From a Polyvagal perspective, depressive moods arise when the nervous system settles into a sustained shutdown state. The social engagement system withdraws, motivation dips, and energy is conserved. This is protective: when life feels unpredictable or overwhelming, your system retreats to keep you safe—but the cost is feeling numb, disconnected, or stuck.

Childhood experiences and early parenting can shape these patterns. Repeated exposure to misattuned care, neglect, or relational inconsistency can sensitize the nervous system to withdraw or freeze under stress. Over time, these automatic shutdown responses can become your default mood pattern.

Most people react by withdrawing further or distracting themselves, which deepens the mood. The smarter approach is to notice, understand, and experiment with the right kinds of stimulation for your nervous system.

Here’s how to work with depressive moods:

1. Name it. Label what you’re feeling. Don’t just say, “I’m depressed.” Identify specific thoughts, losses, or frustrations. Naming the mood gives your mind and body clarity and starts to move you out of automatic shutdown.

2. Break it down. Depression feels like a mountain. Identify small, actionable steps—movement, connection, or meaningful activity—that signal safety and progress to your nervous system. Small wins matter.

3. Move and connect. Your nervous system is like Goldilocks’ porridge: too little stimulation, too much, or just right. Experiment to find what calms or energizes you. Walk, stretch, dance, reach out to safe people, or engage in creative work. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s “just right” for your current state. These are neural recalibration tools.

4. Use it as feedback. Depressive moods point to areas of life that are misaligned with your values, goals, or needs. Notice what’s missing, explore meaning, and take small steps toward purpose and connection.

Caveat: Attachment, Childhood, and Adlerian Insight
Depression is often tied to attachment patterns (anxious or avoidant) and early relational experiences. From an Adlerian perspective, depressive moods are signals pointing to unfulfilled life goals, maladaptive relational patterns, or internalized beliefs formed in childhood. Exploring these dynamics, increasing agency, and taking incremental steps toward meaningful goals helps shift the nervous system out of shutdown and restore energy, motivation, and purpose.

Bottom line: depressive moods are not weakness—they’re a signal from your nervous system and life history. Pay attention, experiment with movement and social connection until you find the “just right” stimulation, break down what matters, and take deliberate steps. Your mood is a compass—use it to recalibrate, reconnect, and reclaim your energy and purpose.