Anxiety 101: How to Use It to Your Advantage

Anxiety Isn’t the Enemy.

Let’s get one thing straight: anxiety isn’t a flaw, a chemical imbalance, or a sign that you’re weak. It’s your body and mind sending a very clear message: something in your life feels uncertain, risky, or unresolved. That racing heart, tight chest, or restless energy? That’s your nervous system kicking in, saying, “Pay attention. Something matters here.”

From a Polyvagal perspective, anxiety happens when your nervous system senses threat and shifts out of its safe, social state. Your body goes into high alert (fight/flight) or shuts down (freeze), even if there’s no immediate danger. These reactions are automatic and protective—they’re designed to keep you alive and alert—but they can feel overwhelming if you don’t understand what’s happening.

Most people react the wrong way: they ignore it, push it down, or scroll endlessly through distractions. That’s like ignoring a flashing check engine light on your car. It won’t go away, and it might get worse. The smarter move is to face it head-on.

Here’s how to work with it:

1. Name it. Get specific. Don’t just say “I’m anxious.” What exactly is making you feel off? Writing it down or speaking it aloud gives your nervous system a chance to shift from chaos toward clarity.

2. Break it down. Anxiety explodes when we look at the whole mountain instead of the steps. Take the big, scary unknown and divide it into pieces you can actually influence. One step at a time beats paralysis every single time.

3. Act on it. Movement is medicine. When your body senses you’re taking action, even small steps, your nervous system recalibrates toward safety. Avoidance only feeds anxiety. Action—deliberate, intentional action—is the antidote.

4. Use it. Shift your perspective: anxiety isn’t something to hate; it’s a signal from your nervous system guiding you. When you pay attention, adjust, and move, it becomes a tool for clarity, preparation, and growth.

Caveat: Anxious Attachment and the Deeper Patterns
For many, anxiety isn’t just about situational stress—it’s tied to relational patterns, especially anxious attachment. People with this attachment style experience heightened vigilance and fear of rejection in close relationships, which can amplify everyday anxiety signals. This is where an Adlerian lens becomes essential: anxiety isn’t a personal flaw—it’s a signal pointing to beliefs, patterns, and goals that need adjustment. By exploring early experiences, relational scripts, and life goals, you can shift these patterns, develop a stronger sense of agency, and reduce the intensity of automatic anxious reactions.

Bottom line: anxiety is not your enemy—it’s a compass. It’s your nervous system saying, “Something matters. Pay attention, adjust, act.” By understanding your nervous system, your attachment patterns, and your life goals, you can use anxiety as a tool to live more deliberately, fully, and powerfully.