Understanding Idealization: Why We Put People and Ourselves on Pedestals
Humans have a natural tendency to idealize.
We put artists, partners, parents, rivals, spiritual figures, or even ourselves on pedestals.
Sometimes it’s subtle admiration; other times it’s full-blown projection.
Jungian psychology and Robert Moore’s work show that idealization isn’t just a quirk…
It’s a window into our psyche, our shadow, and even our spiritual nature.
Some people, by contrast, resist idealizing almost entirely, either out of extreme pragmatism, cynicism, or self-reliance. This too reveals something about their inner dynamics: a desire for control, fear of disappointment, or a habit of grounding everything in reality.
Why We Idealize
At its core, idealization is a form of projection. We often see in others the qualities we desire, lack, or deny in ourselves. That brilliant musician might reflect creativity you’re afraid to express. That seemingly perfect partner may mirror the love or validation you didn’t receive in childhood. We also idealize to avoid facing our own imperfections—the parts of ourselves we haven’t integrated. In some cases, idealization is just human nature: we’re wired to notice excellence and elevate it. It can also reflect spiritual longing, a reaching for wholeness or transcendence outside ourselves.
Common Patterns of Idealization
Artists and public figures: Admired for skill, vision, or charisma.
Romantic partners: Idealization can masquerade as love, creating unrealistic expectations.
Parents or childhood figures: Childhood wounds often shape who we elevate—or overvalue—in adulthood.
Self: Inflated self-image or “perfect me” projections can drive ambition or self-criticism.
Peers or rivals: Envy or comparison magnifies strengths and minimizes your own.
Mentors, teachers, or leaders: Idealized for wisdom, guidance, or authority.
Spiritual or philosophical figures: Idealized as models of morality, enlightenment, or purpose.
Objects, achievements, or lifestyles: Sometimes we idealize money, career status, bodies, or possessions as symbols of what we lack internally.
Nature or ideals themselves: Some people even idealize abstract concepts like freedom, justice, or perfection, projecting emotional fulfillment onto them.
The person who idealizes nothing: Rarely, someone avoids idealization completely, either as a defense mechanism or philosophical stance. This can look like extreme realism, detachment, or self-sufficiency, but may mask unexamined projections or unmet longing.
The Risks
Idealization can lead to disappointment, relational conflict, and repeated cycles of seeking external validation. Self-idealization or idolizing abstract concepts can create pressure, frustration, or disconnection from reality. Those who refuse to idealize may avoid disappointment but also risk emotional rigidity or missing opportunities for inspiration and growth.
How to Work With Idealization
Notice it: Pay attention when someone, something, or even an ideal feels “larger than life” to you. Journaling can help capture these moments.
Ask why: What qualities are you projecting? What do they reveal about your unacknowledged desires, fears, or insecurities?
Integrate your shadow: Reflect on what you’re avoiding in yourself. This includes both “hidden negatives” like anger, jealousy, fear, insecurity, or selfishness, and “hidden positives” like courage, creativity, assertiveness, playfulness, or empathy. Acknowledging these traits—both the parts you fear and the parts you underuse—reduces the need to project them outward and helps you engage with reality more fully.
Admire consciously: Learn to admire yourself, others, and things without losing perspective or independence.
Check self-idealization: Compare your internal ideals with reality. Practice self-compassion, humility, and acceptance.
Observe patterns: Notice recurring themes in who or what you idealize, or why you resist idealizing entirely. These patterns are clues to deeper needs, shadow material, and growth areas.
Conclusion
Idealization isn’t a flaw—it’s a guide. It points to what we long for, what we avoid, and what we need to integrate within ourselves. Whether we idealize others, ourselves, abstract ideals, or nothing at all, the patterns reveal hidden desires, shadow material—both gifts and challenges—and spiritual longings. By cultivating awareness and self-reflection, we can transform idealization from a trap into a tool for personal insight, relational maturity, and inner growth.
